Shahar Expedition Report/Fragment/Text

Shala Shahar

It seems I must spend my last days in this world cursing my nature. The warmth is gone, the trust is gone, and while we stand near each other we will no doubt die alone.

I don't know how he knows, but Sharrekh knows. I see it in his eyes, clear as day. I should have left it alone. What did I expect to find? Yes, the message he claimed he smuggled out was fake--so? What of it? We all knew we were to die. It doesn't matter.

I could blame my training, I suppose. I've been this way for so long that I've forgotten that what I do can hurt people. I slipped from Sarrekh's bed to Jharan's for a night, and I have no one to blame but myself for being unwelcome when I returned. I learned what I wanted to know, but paid such a high price for such a silly little thing.

I had happiness--real, true happiness--and I threw it away. If it just made me cold and alone, so be it, but after scorning sarrekh the responsibility he took from my shoulders has returned: not only have I doomed myself, I shattered the fragile glow surrounding the camp. At the end, I couldn't stop him from learning what I was. It has been the death of us.